Editor's Note: The following are remarks by David and Linda Erickson, leaders in the Diocese of San Angelo's Engaged Encounter program for adults preparing for marriage. The comments were made at an April 8, 2016, news conference regarding the papal exhortation Amoris Laetitia.
Six Engaged Encounter retreats are conducted each year in the Diocese of San Angelo, based on a proven format that goes back some 40 years. Each retreat has an average of 25- 30 engaged couples in attendance. On occasion, in attendance, only one person that makes the engaged couple is Catholic.
Before our marriage in 2004 we attended the Engaged Encounter marriage preparation retreat at the beautiful Christ The King Retreat Center, located next to the diocesan pastoral center in San Angelo.
Our experience was life changing in many ways, especially in how we viewed marriage and our relationship with God at the center of our marriage. Soon after our Engaged Encounter weekend, we knew we had to be part of the ministry and we joined the team nine years ago.
The Engaged Encounter Retreat program is a couple-centered and spiritual experience where couples listen to talks from the team presenting on various subjects related to marriage. They then write separately and dialogue together on what they have written. The sharing and learning how to have a Christ-centered marriage is important to their relationship. We witness each weekend how the couples are transformed from Friday night when the retreat starts to Sunday Mass, which concludes the retreat.
The team shares several talks throughout the weekend. Topics include “Becoming a Family,” “Managing Conflict,” “Stewardship,” “Forgiveness,” “Communication,” “Decisions in Marriage,” “Unity” and “The Sacrament of Marriage.” In the talks we share our story on how we have dealt with many issues in our married life. We are present for the engaged couples as role models and tell them we are not experts in marriage but have experiences to share. We talk with the couples about the importance of praying together as a couple and a family.
Getting married in the Church requires engaged couples to prepare by taking an approved marriage prep program. After various meetings with a priest, the engaged couple will sign up for the Sponsored Couple Program, a Pre-Cana Program, or the Engaged Encounter Retreat weekend.
Several couples have admitted that when they first arrived on Friday, they were not excited about spending the weekend preparing for marriage, but as the weekend began to unfold, they were thrilled to have the time together and found they needed this time with each other and learned several new things about their fiancé.
On virtually every Engaged Encounter weekend, we have couples who are civilly married. They may even have children from that marriage. But we often hear these same couples say they have a longing to have their marriage blessed in the Church. So like other engaged couples, they go to a marriage prep program. It is beautiful to hear how important it is to them to have their marriage blessed. By having their union convalidated by the Church, they are an inspiration to us and to all the couples on the retreat.
How we view marriage as a Sacrament
The differences between a contract and a marriage covenant are clear:
With a marriage contract, either party can cancel, the couple sets the conditions for their marriage and they create a sort of "I will love you if you love me," 50/50 contract.
A marriage covenant is binding, irrevocable and permanent. It is a commitment to love as God loves – freely, totally, faithfully, and open to life.
We need covenant love to sustain us.
Some brief characteristics of the Sacrament of Matrimony:
Our couple love is an outward sign of matrimony.
We are a visible sign of God's presence and His love for us.
We administer the sacrament to each other by daily acts of loving, serving and forgiving.
By being life-giving to each other we find unity.
As a married couple, it is our responsibility to help each other get to Heaven and his responsibility to help me get to Heaven.
Finally, always remember: The wedding is for a day, but the marriage is for a lifetime.