By Alison Pope
Associate Director, Office of Evangelization and Catechesis
Lumen Gentium, a document of the Second Vatican Council, describes the family as the domestic church. It is important to remember that every person we minister to at the parish has a family they return to when they leave a parish event or meeting. This means that even if we are directly ministering to a specific age group, we must also minister to the entire family in whatever form that takes.
What does a domestic church look like? That is as varied and complex as the families that make up our communities. For some, their domestic church is a single parent and their kids. For some, it is grandparents raising their grandchildren. For others, it is a newlywed couple just beginning to build their life together. And, yes, a single person can be a domestic church as well. (But more on that later.)
Rather than a domestic church looking a certain way, it is about the elements that make up the lives of the people. It is not about being a place where faith is preached, but a place where it is lived in our everyday lives. It is the primary place where we practice coming to intimately love others. It is the place where we begin to learn how to live out our universal call to holiness. It is in the context of the family that we first learn who God is.
The domestic church is vitally important. The emphasis on domestic church speaks to the profound dignity and importance of the work of all lay people. However, the domestic church needs the parish and the parish needs the domestic church. Sunday Eucharist is indispensable, but the practice and prayer life of faith cannot be confined to the parish church. We must take what is being taught at the parish back into the life of our own families. Families must participate in the sacramental and social life of the parish. But faith, prayer, catechesis, charity, and evangelization all must take place first and foremost in the context of the home.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church tells us “Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children” (2223). Or, as the General Directory for Catechesis puts it, “Parents are the primary educators in the faith” (255). Faith is not just facts that are memorized; it is also tradition that is handed down from one generation to another. How can that be done? While there are endless ways to build and grow your domestic church, here are just a few examples.
Pray as a family. Not just before meals, although that is important, but at other times as well. Pope John Paul II wrote in his exhortation On the Family that for the family to be an authentic domestic church, common prayer must be continuously practiced in the home. For some, these family prayer times will include a daily rosary. For others, it will be sharing prayer intentions and uniting in prayer at the end of the day. Still, for some, it will be praying a chaplet of Divine Mercy on the way home from school. Allow all members of the family to take turns leading prayer time, but find whatever form works best for your family.
Create a home altar table. For some, the term altar can be intimidating. Remember, this is not an official altar. Rather, think of it as a simple space in your home where you display things that help you focus on God and where the family can go to for quiet moments of prayer and reflection, whether together or alone. Again, this will look like whatever is best for your family. For some, it is a large flat surface where icons, statues, books, candles, and other holy items are displayed. If you live in a small space, it can be a portable space. Designate a sturdy storage container for the items that you can bring out and place on a table during your prayer times, but that can be put away when the space is needed for other aspects of daily living.
Display icons and other religious symbols throughout your home. Choose things that are meaningful to your family. The idea is simply to have things displayed that can, throughout the day, draw your mind back to God.
Celebrate the liturgical year as a family. One of our family traditions growing up was to pray and light the Advent wreath every evening during Advent before dinner. Each child (there were four of us) were designated a week to lead prayer, light the candles, and then blow them out at the end of the meal. During Lent, in addition to what we gave up, we were encouraged to also do an act of kindness each day. My mom would put up a piece of poster board on the wall near the table, and each night before or after dinner, we would take a post-it note, write down our act of kindness, and attach it to the poster board.
Celebrate baptism dates and feast days. In addition to celebrating a child’s birthday, find special ways to celebrate their baptism date. If your family shares its name with a saint or your child is named after a specific saint, find a way to celebrate that feast day. It can be as simple as a special dessert or a simple but special outing.
Talk freely about the presence of God in both joys and sorrows of your family’s life. If we want our young people to learn how to see God in all aspects of their life and how to share those stories with others, we must model it. When your family is going through a hard time, share how you still see God present despite the doubts and hardships. Be open about your doubts and struggles when it comes to faith. When things are going well, make sure you share with your children how you see God’s presence in that as well.
Allow family members to witness each other in private prayer. We must learn how to pray in the same way we learn how to walk and talk. At times, the best teacher can be the example we set. Do we allow others in our homes to see us in our private prayer times? Or do we feel we must always hide away to get that quiet time? Both are important. Maybe some of your private prayer time can be done at a time and in such a way that others in your household can witness as they go about their daily activities. Or it could include the family in an indirect way. A friend once told me about how, when her children were still at home, she had a prayer jar that the children knew they could put anonymous prayer intentions and requests into. She never looked at what they wrote, but she included those intentions in her daily prayers.
If you are single, there are still ways you can be a domestic church. Establish personal traditions around feast days and your own baptism date. Offer your home as a place for friendship and hospitality. Invest in the lives of others. Be part of what I have termed an extended domestic church.
Just like we have extended biological families, we can have extended domestic church families. For example, I have a couple of friends who I share communal prayer with. We talk regularly about how God is present in our lives. If you have godchildren, find ways to intentionally include them in your own domestic church and become part of theirs. My godson’s parents have been gracious in not only allowing me to be part of Aaron’s life, but the lives of all their children, as well as the life of their extended family. Being included in their domestic church has enriched my own faith life in numerous ways. I like to think my presence in their lives has contributed positively to their domestic church as well. If you have single friends, invite them to be part of your extended domestic church. Both sides will be blessed.
While parents carry a heavy portion of the responsibility of nurturing the domestic church, the parishes are not exempt from responsibility. Pope Francis, in Amoris Laetitia, says that the church is a family of families (no. 87). Parishes are responsible to help to those who are ill-prepared or feel inadequate to find ways to share their faith at home. In all our ministries, we must remember the context of the parish and build a bridge into the homes where the participants live. We must occasionally evaluate all our ministries and how they can better partner with families and help to build that bridge between our programs and the domestic church.
While nurturing a strong domestic church can seem intimidating, it is important to remember that it is not about being perfect. One of the beautiful things about the Catholic faith is the rich diversity the church offers us in devotions, prayers, images, and art. In the same way, the form each domestic church takes will be varied and diverse. It is not about saying the right prayers or having the right icons in our home. It is about living our faith in our real day-to-day lives with those closest to us. It is, in many ways, about sharing our faith through actions rather than words. Afterall, it is often the imperfect, humble, and joy-filled family that rarely preaches the faith because they are too busy living it that helps introduce others to the love of God.